New Year FAIL

How to fail at life on day two of the New Year:

Step 1: on a trip to Target, decide to try on a pair of tights.

Step 2: venture into the family change room, lugging yourself, your baby, and all your baby sh*t into a 5'x5' cubicle that barely fits you and your tights let alone your off roading stroller.

Step 3: struggle to yank off your old tights with one hand while holding a Wubba in with the other, jiggling the stroller with your foot, and telling baby "its not nice to laugh at mommy..." all at the same time. Some serious physics.

Step 4: squeeze, suck, and smoosh yourself into new tights. Decide they make your post-baby front bum look extra unattractive and front-bumish. Peel pants off as quickly as possible and kick into far corner of the change room.  Remind baby again "it's impolite to laugh at mommy..."

Step 5: give yourself a change room mirror pep talk. Remember that Target has a Starbucks and suggest to yourself that a latte is in order to soothe the hurt caused by those nasty pants. Suck in your gut and pull on your old tights.

Step 6: turn to leave change room and realize the door to said family change room has been open the entire grotesque time.

Step 7: run... run as fast as you can. Abort latte. No amount of caffeine can save you now.